How Long Will This Continue? Life Lessons from Local News

While your smile is melting straight off your face and your lawn furniture is bursting into flames, your local news team is trying to figure out ways to keep you guessing when it comes to what this crazy weather will do next.  The hope is that you will be too intrigued to turn away and will watch anything just to get to the forecast including, but not limited to:  kids running through sprinklers, a doctor talking about heat exhaustion or heat stroke, sales of sunscreen, bottled water, ice, fans, air conditioners, hot pants and tank tops, stories about cooling stations and pool hours, swimming safety, water safety, boating safety, drinking safety,  kids eating ice cream, pets eating ice cream, nobody eating ice cream because it’s too hot, the list goes on.

They do this with an ingenious little device known as “the weather tease.”  It’s not the forecast, it’s not even the temperature.  It’s the promise of those things….”coming up.”  While the weather may be tricky and unpredictable, these teases are not.  In fact the formula many employ…exhaustively and to the point of laughable ridiculousness…is really quite simple.

Writing a Weather Tease in 3 Easy Steps:

1. State current conditions

2. Question whether those conditions will last

3. Promise to deliver the answer

So, for example, “Another hot, sticky day today.  Will we see any relief?  We’ll tell you right after this.”

Now, clever viewers won’t be falling for this because they would have been listening at the beginning of the newscast when it was made clear that we’re having a heat wave and that a heat wave is defined by several consecutive days of extreme heat.  So, no.  There won’t be any relief.  Go buy an air conditioner and stop jogging before you kill yourself.

Anyway, the weather tease is not entirely useless. Consider the possibilities in your own life.  Maybe you don’t always want to give all the information.  Maybe you want to keep people guessing.

From the simple, everyday issues:

“We are out of toilet paper…again. How many times does this have to happen?  I’m going to check the linen closet and I’ll let you know what I find.”

To social situations:

“This game of charades is awesome.  Do you think it’s ever going to end?  We’ll find out when I come back from the bar.”

To difficult conversations:

“You’re great.  Do I maybe want to go out sometime?  I’ll call you and let you know.”

…And slightly more pressing matters:

“Well, the house on fire.  How long is it going to burn?  I’ll let you know in a few minutes when the firetrucks get here.”

A simple formula to keep people guessing and make you that mysterious person you’ve always longed to be. And to think, it’s all thanks to the local news team.  No sweat.  You’re welcome.

So, what will we think of next?  Stay tuned.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Kate Welshofer


  1. megslin
    July 21, 2011 / 1:08 PM

    this just made me laugh out loud..literally!

  2. August 9, 2011 / 4:17 PM

    That’s clever in a nerdy way! Is the rest just like that here? I’ll comment in two hours, once I’m done printing @AnchorcatBrian.

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