ALBANY, N.Y. –She thought it only happened in the movies, but now an unexpected dismemberment has a local woman mourning a loss and searching for answers.
Kate Welshofer was walking out of work late Thursday night when she noticed something was wrong.
“I thought I stepped in a hole,” she said. ”It was like the Earth just slipped out from underneath me.”
Upon inspection,Welshofer realized the worst had happened.
“I literally couldn’t stop saying the word, ‘shit,’” she explained. “It was like a part of my leg was suddenly missing.”
It was the knee-high, polished black leather part with a pointed toe and perfectly comfortable heel; a wardrobe staple snapped away in an instant.
“What a mess,” she said. “I was hobbling across the parking lot like Quasimoto for Christ’s sake. The neighbors probably thought I had lost my mind.”
She hadn’t, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t experienced a significant enough loss. All at once melancholy and hostile, Welshofer finally narrowed her eyes saying,
“I don’t think you understand. These are my favorite boots we’re talking about here.”
Eyeing the crime scene she went on, “just look at those mangled screws in the heel, looking like angry little teeth. It’s just awful.”
Purchased something like three years ago, Welshofer explained the boots had been made for walking, slinking, stumbling, moonwalking, tripping, tapping, tiptoeing, spontaneous dance parties, pretend karate, high kicks, ass-kicking, short sprints, long nights, first dates, last calls, the running man, walking like a man, walking like an Egyptian…the list went on.
“Now, what,” she finally said, “I have to start over?! My other black boots are flats. Are you kidding me?”
The left boot is survived by its mate, Righty. Calling hours will be held at the local Dumpster as soon as arrangements can be made. Donations can be made to Zappos, DSW and Macy’s.
RIP 2008(ish) - 2011
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011-2013 Kate Welshofer
December 16, 2011 at 12:12 PM
Though it may be too late if the Dumpster Man has already taken your Dearly Departed, (if so, I am indeed sorry for your loss) a trip to Vestal Shoe Repair may be your answer. The Man in Charge there would not consider himself a miracle worker, but have seen him bring many a pair back to life by returning their soles from the dead.
December 16, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Oh, thank you, Joseph for the suggestion. Alas, truth be told, I don’t know that they’re *really* worth the trouble. I may be lucky to have had them this long! I suppose I must do the brave thing & go shoe shopping
But if anyone else needs some magic worked on their heels…I’ll know now where to send them!
December 16, 2011 at 6:15 PM
I would like to and will say that this is another great piece. It leads me to worry though that some one from 60 minutes is liable to read this and conclude that the author is a combination of Andy Rooney, Charles Kuralt and Dianne Sawyer all wrapped up in a young Dianne Sawyer body. Where would we all be then? No Kate on YNN or on this website, for CBS guards their treasures well and don’t share.
Keep up the good work Kate and Merry Christmas
December 22, 2011 at 3:21 PM
Haha! Thanks so much, Tom. Merry Christmas to you.
December 16, 2011 at 7:11 PM
Kate – The three views of the boots really help bring home the horror.
Tears were in my eyes until you mentioned Zappos and DSW. Then I was happy once more…
December 22, 2011 at 3:20 PM
I know….graphic, right?
December 20, 2011 at 3:05 PM
I live in Albany and would be happy to buy you a new pair!
December 22, 2011 at 11:58 AM
Haha!! Thank you, thank you. You’re too kind!
February 10, 2012 at 7:10 PM
I’m glad I didn’t witness this tragedy. It would have been too traumatic to hear bad words coming from your angelic lips.
February 14, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Rofl – I know exactly what you’re talking about. A few weeks ago part of one of my books snapped off leaving about a 1/4 inch missing. I felt exactly as devastated – especially since they were only six months old. Here’s to hoping you can find a trustworthy shoe repair business to help make you “whole” again.