ALBANY, N.Y. –She thought it only happened in the movies, but now an unexpected dismemberment has a local woman mourning a loss and searching for answers.
Kate Welshofer was walking out of work late Thursday night when she noticed something was wrong.
“I thought I stepped in a hole,” she said. ”It was like the Earth just slipped out from underneath me.”
Upon inspection,Welshofer realized the worst had happened.
“I literally couldn’t stop saying the word, ‘shit,’” she explained. “It was like a part of my leg was suddenly missing.”
It was the knee-high, polished black leather part with a pointed toe and perfectly comfortable heel; a wardrobe staple snapped away in an instant.
“What a mess,” she said. “I was hobbling across the parking lot like Quasimoto for Christ’s sake. The neighbors probably thought I had lost my mind.”
She hadn’t, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t experienced a significant enough loss. All at once melancholy and hostile, Welshofer finally narrowed her eyes saying,
“I don’t think you understand. These are my favorite boots we’re talking about here.”
Eyeing the crime scene she went on, “just look at those mangled screws in the heel, looking like angry little teeth. It’s just awful.”
Purchased something like three years ago, Welshofer explained the boots had been made for walking, slinking, stumbling, moonwalking, tripping, tapping, tiptoeing, spontaneous dance parties, pretend karate, high kicks, ass-kicking, short sprints, long nights, first dates, last calls, the running man, walking like a man, walking like an Egyptian…the list went on.
“Now, what,” she finally said, “I have to start over?! My other black boots are flats. Are you kidding me?”
The left boot is survived by its mate, Righty. Calling hours will be held at the local Dumpster as soon as arrangements can be made. Donations can be made to Zappos, DSW and Macy’s.