Drumroll please!
It’s time to unveil this year’s contenders for the Ugly Ornament Contest. If you haven’t already, you can read about our ridiculous little family tradition here. This year, for the first time, we’re letting the Internet decide the winner. That means you.
We have four competitors: My sister and I (as always) and this year, two of our dear friends–who are first timers! We won’t be revealing who is responsible for each of these yuletide monstrosities until the voting is complete. You have until New Year’s Eve to cast your ballot. Please leave your choice 1, 2, 3 or 4 in the comments below and any other comments you feel compelled to share. The winner will be revealed on New Year’s Day.
So, let’s see what the Ugly Ornament gods have brought us this season.
Contestant #1: Alooohaaa….Ugh. Hands up for this frogtastic little submission. Pull up your grass skirt, honey, because it’s gonna be a hot holiday. Talk about a Hono-lulu. Hu-la hell would put this on a Christmas tree? Perhaps the UOC champ. Is she it? She sure hopes so. I mean, just look at her, those arms are saying, “pick me!” or maybe it’s “I give up!” Only you can decide. So, stick an umbrella in that egg nog, sweetie and consider this little lady for UOC glory.
Contestant #1
Contestant #2: Well, Helloooo! Look who’s happier than a pig in ssss…sugarplums this Christmas! One eye’s on you and the other’s on Santa with this little gal. And we couldn’t help but notice she. is. stacked! “SOOOIE!” We know what they say about putting lipstick on a pig, but is it just us or is she working it? That wry smile says it all:”What’s up, losers? Winner’s right here!” Her dancing shoes are on. So is it going to be a victory dance? Will UOC be the next YMCA? It takes a Village…People to decide. Cast your vote for this little Christmas ham if you think she’s the top pork chop.
Contestant #2
Contestant #3: Well, well, well, what is that sound you hear? That thumpity-thump and tappity-tap? Why it must be that frosted frog in the feather headdress again banging on the drum all day. Behind those mirthful eyes and knowing smile lies the heart of a champion, hopping (yes..hopping) and praying for a chance to sail into UOC history as the 2011 champ. Will you give this glittery witch doctor of holiday cheer that chance? Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum! And….is he blushing?
Contestant #3
Contestant #4: Who? Who? Who wants SEQUINS?! Talk about jazz hands…er wings. I mean, come. on. Is this patchwork Audubon-mination a hoot or what? Roosting creepily in our final slot this year, this button-eyed owl has his eye on you for sure and he’s certainly got beaks flapping in this year’s UOC. Really, doesn’t that blank look on his face say it all? Did we save the best or last? That’s up to you. Of course, this guy would encourage you to choose “wisely.”
Contestant #4
All right. That’s it. UOC 2011: It’s up to you Internet. Do your best….with the worst! We look forward to your decision. Remember: you can vote until midnight on New Year’s Eve! We’ll reveal the winner New Year’s Day.
UOC 2011! Vote! Vote! Vote! Leave your favorite (by number) in the comments below!
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012-2013 Kate Welshofer
December 28, 2011 at 7:45 PM
#3 takes it for me.
December 28, 2011 at 8:05 PM
I vote #2, those eyes are freaking me out.
December 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM
…I must share this comment from my dear friend Bill Heller via Facebook: Wow. Risking the possibility of nightmares, I accepted this challenge. In such a situation, I apply the little known, but highly reliable Refrigerator Door Test. After reading each of the four descriptions, I went back over the four contestants, imagining my reaction if I opened the refrigerator door in search of a tasty snack and was met with one of those four monstrosities sitting in there instead. Which one would most cause me to recoil and lose desire to snack again? It was close, but #3 gets my vote.
December 28, 2011 at 9:39 PM
#4
December 28, 2011 at 9:49 PM
I vote #1. Anyone who read the sci-fi series The White Mountains as a kid will shudder at the brainwashing cap being worn by the poor hula frog.
December 28, 2011 at 9:51 PM
My vote’s for #1. at least #3 can be correlated with the little drummer boy. though that’s a frightening thought too.
December 28, 2011 at 10:02 PM
#3
Hands down. #3. Frog drummer. Feather headdress. Do I need to say more?
December 28, 2011 at 10:09 PM
#3. Most Def
December 28, 2011 at 10:17 PM
#3. for sho
December 28, 2011 at 10:21 PM
#2 for sure!!!! Sooooooiieeeeeeeee!!!
December 28, 2011 at 10:32 PM
Poor #4. Liza Minelli is cringing!
December 28, 2011 at 10:33 PM
I have to say number 4 is the worst by far, the commentary on all I vote the best. Still laughing, have a very happy new year!!!!!!!!
December 28, 2011 at 11:24 PM
Thank you, John! Happy New Year to you. So glad you can join in our nonsense!!! We love it! Thank you for your vote.
December 28, 2011 at 10:52 PM
#4 is grotesque. I hate it. It pretty much ruined the holidays for me.
December 28, 2011 at 11:03 PM
#3 has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and gets my vote.
December 28, 2011 at 11:08 PM
They are all really disturbing but #4 really scared the hoot out of me!
December 28, 2011 at 11:15 PM
#4…#1 set a nice tone but for pure androgyny, I think #4 wins.
December 28, 2011 at 11:31 PM
#2 Hands down. Face/eyes are creepy.
December 28, 2011 at 11:43 PM
Number 1 for sure.
December 28, 2011 at 11:44 PM
#3 is without equal and is the winner…
December 28, 2011 at 11:55 PM
#4 is the hardest to look at for more than 2 seconds!
December 29, 2011 at 1:07 AM
I have to go with #3 for a couple reasons. First, YIKES!!! Second, he reminds me of the natives down here in Papua New Guinea. Happy New Year, Kate, to you and the family. I hope it is your best year yet !!
December 29, 2011 at 1:13 AM
I noticed #1 and #3 look like frog sisters. If you changed their hats and skirts I couldn’t tell them apart. So, I couldn’t pick one and leave the other out. They cancelled each othe out. Whick leaves #2 and #4. I really did not see an owl in #4. You say owl I say hoot. Which leaves little piggy with her piercing eyes looking in all directions at once, her rosy red lips and dancing shoes waving for attention. With all that said I pick #2
December 29, 2011 at 6:04 AM
#2!!!
December 29, 2011 at 7:34 AM
#3….that squat position froggie is doin is a little freaky!
December 29, 2011 at 7:38 AM
#3. He looks like he is in pain!
December 29, 2011 at 7:40 AM
I have to go with #3! The others look blissfully happy in their ugliness, however, #3 looks like it could come to life and stalk me! I don’t think I could sleep at night.
December 29, 2011 at 9:05 AM
#3 is amazingly awful.
December 29, 2011 at 9:28 AM
#3 by far… I find the craftiness of #4 somewhat appealing and reminds me a little of myself all patched together. And I certainly sympathize with #2 having to appear in her swimsuit in public! The frogs definetly look like the ones you find in the road during a summer walk…only not quite as flat… #3 reminds me of a stomping fit-throwing former boss who believed himself to be king and yet looked absolutely ridiculous most of the time! GO #3
December 29, 2011 at 11:08 AM
#3
December 29, 2011 at 11:29 AM
3 definitely 3. I think I had a nightmare with that thing in it last night.
December 29, 2011 at 11:53 AM
My vote goes to the Little Drummer Boy Frog, #3. He’s both creepy and awkward at the same time.
December 29, 2011 at 4:47 PM
#2… The others I can at least see some sort of reason for the tree. The pig, not even in the deep south.
December 29, 2011 at 4:56 PM
#3… although I must say I wouldn’t want any of them hanging on my tree.
December 29, 2011 at 5:21 PM
number 3 is disgusting. i feel like that frog is violating the drum in a very unchristmas-y spirit.
December 29, 2011 at 6:52 PM
Number 3 gets my vote. It makes me feel slightly dirty…
December 29, 2011 at 9:26 PM
#4 gets my vote for sure- the eyes are scary !!
December 29, 2011 at 9:40 PM
#2 answered the should-never-have-been-asked question about lipstick on a pig, #4 was a strong contender but I suspect it may be homemade (and therefore possibly forgivable), #1 had me wondering if a frog ornament was in fact topless (really???) but my vote goes for #3 for the combination of feathers, squatting and a self-satisfied expression which has no place with feathers and squatting.
December 29, 2011 at 9:41 PM
I can confirm that, sadly, that owl was, in fact, mass-produced & not homemade…and therefore…in no way forgiveable! Haha! Thank you for your comments. Hilarious.
December 30, 2011 at 11:06 AM
#4, but you get A+ for great descriptions.
Happy New Year to you.
December 30, 2011 at 8:37 PM
Thank you, Tom….and to you! Cheers!
December 30, 2011 at 1:05 PM
#4 FOR SURE!
December 30, 2011 at 2:14 PM
Number 3 takes it for me, and not just in the awkward amphibian category. Would you want to wake up on Christmas morning to find that fellow perched upon an otherwise festive Douglas-fir? I hear a certain Mr. Claus is undergoing intensive therapy, having accidentally stumbled into what can only be described as the Ninth Circle of Holidazzle Hell.
December 30, 2011 at 8:13 PM
Number 3. I don’t see the drum in the picture.
December 30, 2011 at 8:35 PM
It is a little hard tell what it is in the picture. He actually has his hands…(um..flippers?) on it. It looks like part of his outfit, but, yep, that’s actually a drum.
December 30, 2011 at 10:10 PM
For me it is a toss-up between the pig who appears to have recently had dealings with a plastic surgeon (who also moonlights as a bad make-up artist), and the frog who looks like he could star as one of the evil monsters in a Scooby-Doo episode! I wouldn’t feel comfortable being alone in the same room with this hideous amphibian for fear that I might find myself under a spell marching to the beat of his drum instead of my own! And it is for this last reason that I must choose contestant # 3.
January 4, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Okay – the suspense is killing me! Do we have our UOC 2011 winner? Your peeps in Western NY are anxiously awaiting the big announcement!
January 4, 2012 at 11:10 AM
I know! I know! I’m late! Coming today. Stay tuned.